Super interesting work! I've never read Dorian Grey, so I can't really speak to how it compares to the original work, but I definitely enjoyed yours! I think that the character, while written well, got it a little too good in the end? I'm not sure if it was just due to the choices I picked, but after the terrible things he did I didn't feel like he really deserved a happy ending? I was a little confused about Dorian's initial relationship to the painting and how he became the painting, but the vagueness also worked, since it kept me interested! Great job!
First of, this is very clear to me, the conversation is simple and well delivered in the good way, and I like how there are two different options that kinda just represent the two different attitude when the player speak to Lord Henry. For your question, maybe a third or even fourth choice would be good, but sometimes having a finished, consistent project is way better than just having the ambition of trying to good everything and not executing it well. So I guess it depends on the work load and the vision you had for the project, and it's your call.
The pacing feels a little bit segmented, giving the length and the style of the choices are really similar for different sections, maybe you can vary the pace somewhere between here and there just to give readers some diversity to make them feel more nature reading the story.
I played this already but I'll send my thoughts your way!
1. The first person does work! The only think I'm wondering is how did he get to switch places with the painting. I never read the book! Also remind me, did he switch appearances with the painting (he's the same guy but looks different)?
2. I still want to see him interact with the painting more. Besides the little snippet of it we see, how does he feel about leaving his "former self" behind on a wall?
1. As a vain man? Of course. I like the cut of his jib. He seems to entirely understand his own vanity, and embraces it in kind. I like the options available, too! They all work.
2. No. You covered off on every angle, really! I'm just worried for the scope of your project.
3. Pacing feels fine. Though, the theatre route feels more like a speedrunner's route; it cuts short the talk with Henry and it generally has less dialogue and monologue than the other.
Aside from that, I like this! It feels fresh and interesting, but there are so many choices it's hard to say if I can be completely aware of any of them possessing any real influence on the story or if it's all just a personal thing.
I thought the characterization here worked well and the game felt quite responsive to my choices, with other characters reacting to whether my Dorian is more enthusiastic or more jaded. Even if you choose to play one way, there's a nice tension involved in having the other choice "pulling at you" (towards socially appropriate acts, or towards jaded cynicism) representing the conflict nicely. It did make me want to hear a little more of that conflict surfacing in the POV character's thoughts, however -- so that it's not just "me" experiencing the conflict, if that makes sense?
The only place I felt "low on choices" was probably while watching the play -- maybe this is meant to show how absorbed Dorian is with watching Sibyl's performance, but if that's the case the "no choice"-ness might need to be signaled more obviously.
Pace seems good so far, although that's largely because these feel like scenes establishing what's going on with Dorian -- by the time I got to the (current) end I was expecting the game to skip forward a bit to the next major moment of some kind.
Hello, Todd Howard. I would like to remind you that I am not buying Skyrim again, but I will do my best to remain civil. For the chess club, Todd.
1) The protagonist is interesting-i get the feeling after saying that i "love the portrait" That hes hiding something from the player themselves. By being nice to everyone, it sets himself up as this awful liar. by being mean to everyone, it sets him off as a narcissist, inside and out. Very good twist, as always!
2) nope-all of the choices were pretty good and seemed to consider things a player would think of at the moment
3)The pacing is good-some of the paragraphs end up being large chunks, but they read very quickly due to smart choices in wording.
Great start, Wesley! The last time I read anything about Dorian Gray was a long while ago, but they seem somewhat familiar to me, especially Lord Henry's choice of white shirt and grey vest haha.
1. I'm not actually sure if Dorian was actually inclined towards being an arse, but I'll assume that that might've just been added as a game element. I think personality-wise, Dorian is so far almost entirely up to the player. Dorian doesn't say anything you don't tell him to say and because the dialogue is what's driving the two ways you can play Dorian, it seems like I don't have to come into this expecting anything. That said, I definitely like the feeling that Dorian keeps getting drawn back to the painting and its beauty and the little tidbits about Basil's perception. That's very in-character, from what I remember.
2. I can think of making some of the choices a little more neutral. The dressing up part seemed like it was such a big deal at the time but Dorian ends up skipping over it and it's only mentioned by one of the Ladies what he ends up choosing to wear. Would be fun to be able to see him dress himself.
3. Pacing was a little confusing for me, because the progressions between the different Ladies felt abrupt and unsure of where to end up while the conversation with Lord Henry about Dorian not attending the luncheon (if you picked it) felt much longer.
"But I won't cover your ass just so you can save face with my aunt." > Last thing, this line for some reason just took me out of the immersion. It feels too modern, and not that British for the time period, which is where I think this story is from?
The characterization is really solid. I played this a few times and tried to pick different choices each time, and each time I ended up viewing him as the self-absorbed asshole that he is in the story (I'm assuming, since I haven't read it) even with vastly different levels of politeness in the choices that you're allowed to take. I think that's pretty well done, especially since Dorian Grey is such an iconic character with an already established personality. giving the reader some leeway but still having some aspects of him set in stone was perfect, in my opinion.
I feel like the pacing of events could be improved a bit? The parts with dialogue and conversation are well paced but the parts that are mostly action and things happening (going to the park, the homeless guy, the cop, and then the theater) could have been elaborated upon a little more. I feel like those happened a little fast, and a little too concisely, in comparison to the opening conversation, which was pretty fleshed out.
though this depends on how large of a part these scenes will actually play in your plan for the finished game!
Overall, intriguing beginning, good writing, nice characterization, looking forward to the finished ver
1.yes, but not having read the original, I didn't really know what is his motives or personality or the setting.
2.No.
3.The rate of progression seems nice, enough passages on the focus of each paths...except for the first part.
I think the biggest issue for me is just that without a introduction to the world, I felt a bit lost. Probably in the final version this won't be a problem. The portray of different characters is really good, which sets up the mood nicely. Though I think in the beginning, having to make a choice continuously is a bit unnecessary or a little bit of stressful. Because I started to think that either those choice leads to a different path or affect some hidden values. Or if they don't affect anything I'll feel like it doesn't really matter. I would say that the choices themselves are nicely written, and it would be really good if they don't come in quick succession.
Hey guys, Todd Howard here. This is just an early version of my game so there will be a lot more content to come. I'd like to ask you a few questions: 1. Is the protagonist consistent/acts in line with your perception of him? 2. Are there any choices that you would've wanted to make but that were not options? 3. How is the pacing? Obviously this is but a small slice in the overall story, but how is the rate of progression?
The protagonist acts the way I would expect Dorian Gray to act! You're doing a good job of capturing his tone in an approachable way. As for choices, I felt that I had a BUNCH of options and agency in the first conversation, but relatively fewer in the following ones — this obviously ties into pacing. I found it a bit inconsistent, and I'd like to spend either less time on the initial conversation or more time in subsequent ones.
I think the protagonist's consistency is largely up to the player's decisions, which is good if that's what you're going for. I've never read the book, but I am familiar with Oscar Wilde's writing, and I can see his voice in this game, especially with your dialogue. As far as choices go, I felt like my options were pretty good, honestly. And the pacing was just a little bit on the slow side, like I was staying on the same subject (i.e. what clothes to wear at the beginning) for longer than I'd like. Otherwise, the dialogue & narration flows nicely!
Comments
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Super interesting work! I've never read Dorian Grey, so I can't really speak to how it compares to the original work, but I definitely enjoyed yours! I think that the character, while written well, got it a little too good in the end? I'm not sure if it was just due to the choices I picked, but after the terrible things he did I didn't feel like he really deserved a happy ending? I was a little confused about Dorian's initial relationship to the painting and how he became the painting, but the vagueness also worked, since it kept me interested! Great job!
First of, this is very clear to me, the conversation is simple and well delivered in the good way, and I like how there are two different options that kinda just represent the two different attitude when the player speak to Lord Henry. For your question, maybe a third or even fourth choice would be good, but sometimes having a finished, consistent project is way better than just having the ambition of trying to good everything and not executing it well. So I guess it depends on the work load and the vision you had for the project, and it's your call.
The pacing feels a little bit segmented, giving the length and the style of the choices are really similar for different sections, maybe you can vary the pace somewhere between here and there just to give readers some diversity to make them feel more nature reading the story.
Overall great stuff, Todd.
I played this already but I'll send my thoughts your way!
1. The first person does work! The only think I'm wondering is how did he get to switch places with the painting. I never read the book! Also remind me, did he switch appearances with the painting (he's the same guy but looks different)?
2. I still want to see him interact with the painting more. Besides the little snippet of it we see, how does he feel about leaving his "former self" behind on a wall?
3. Pacing's great!
Hi, Todd. Thanks for letting me try this out.
1. As a vain man? Of course. I like the cut of his jib. He seems to entirely understand his own vanity, and embraces it in kind. I like the options available, too! They all work.
2. No. You covered off on every angle, really! I'm just worried for the scope of your project.
3. Pacing feels fine. Though, the theatre route feels more like a speedrunner's route; it cuts short the talk with Henry and it generally has less dialogue and monologue than the other.
Aside from that, I like this! It feels fresh and interesting, but there are so many choices it's hard to say if I can be completely aware of any of them possessing any real influence on the story or if it's all just a personal thing.
I thought the characterization here worked well and the game felt quite responsive to my choices, with other characters reacting to whether my Dorian is more enthusiastic or more jaded. Even if you choose to play one way, there's a nice tension involved in having the other choice "pulling at you" (towards socially appropriate acts, or towards jaded cynicism) representing the conflict nicely. It did make me want to hear a little more of that conflict surfacing in the POV character's thoughts, however -- so that it's not just "me" experiencing the conflict, if that makes sense?
The only place I felt "low on choices" was probably while watching the play -- maybe this is meant to show how absorbed Dorian is with watching Sibyl's performance, but if that's the case the "no choice"-ness might need to be signaled more obviously.
Pace seems good so far, although that's largely because these feel like scenes establishing what's going on with Dorian -- by the time I got to the (current) end I was expecting the game to skip forward a bit to the next major moment of some kind.
Hello, Todd Howard. I would like to remind you that I am not buying Skyrim again, but I will do my best to remain civil. For the chess club, Todd.
1) The protagonist is interesting-i get the feeling after saying that i "love the portrait" That hes hiding something from the player themselves. By being nice to everyone, it sets himself up as this awful liar. by being mean to everyone, it sets him off as a narcissist, inside and out. Very good twist, as always!
2) nope-all of the choices were pretty good and seemed to consider things a player would think of at the moment
3)The pacing is good-some of the paragraphs end up being large chunks, but they read very quickly due to smart choices in wording.
Great start, Wesley! The last time I read anything about Dorian Gray was a long while ago, but they seem somewhat familiar to me, especially Lord Henry's choice of white shirt and grey vest haha.
1. I'm not actually sure if Dorian was actually inclined towards being an arse, but I'll assume that that might've just been added as a game element. I think personality-wise, Dorian is so far almost entirely up to the player. Dorian doesn't say anything you don't tell him to say and because the dialogue is what's driving the two ways you can play Dorian, it seems like I don't have to come into this expecting anything. That said, I definitely like the feeling that Dorian keeps getting drawn back to the painting and its beauty and the little tidbits about Basil's perception. That's very in-character, from what I remember.
2. I can think of making some of the choices a little more neutral. The dressing up part seemed like it was such a big deal at the time but Dorian ends up skipping over it and it's only mentioned by one of the Ladies what he ends up choosing to wear. Would be fun to be able to see him dress himself.
3. Pacing was a little confusing for me, because the progressions between the different Ladies felt abrupt and unsure of where to end up while the conversation with Lord Henry about Dorian not attending the luncheon (if you picked it) felt much longer.
"But I won't cover your ass just so you can save face with my aunt." > Last thing, this line for some reason just took me out of the immersion. It feels too modern, and not that British for the time period, which is where I think this story is from?
The characterization is really solid. I played this a few times and tried to pick different choices each time, and each time I ended up viewing him as the self-absorbed asshole that he is in the story (I'm assuming, since I haven't read it) even with vastly different levels of politeness in the choices that you're allowed to take. I think that's pretty well done, especially since Dorian Grey is such an iconic character with an already established personality. giving the reader some leeway but still having some aspects of him set in stone was perfect, in my opinion.
I feel like the pacing of events could be improved a bit? The parts with dialogue and conversation are well paced but the parts that are mostly action and things happening (going to the park, the homeless guy, the cop, and then the theater) could have been elaborated upon a little more. I feel like those happened a little fast, and a little too concisely, in comparison to the opening conversation, which was pretty fleshed out.
though this depends on how large of a part these scenes will actually play in your plan for the finished game!
Overall, intriguing beginning, good writing, nice characterization, looking forward to the finished ver
Hi Todd.
1.yes, but not having read the original, I didn't really know what is his motives or personality or the setting.
2.No.
3.The rate of progression seems nice, enough passages on the focus of each paths...except for the first part.
I think the biggest issue for me is just that without a introduction to the world, I felt a bit lost. Probably in the final version this won't be a problem. The portray of different characters is really good, which sets up the mood nicely. Though I think in the beginning, having to make a choice continuously is a bit unnecessary or a little bit of stressful. Because I started to think that either those choice leads to a different path or affect some hidden values. Or if they don't affect anything I'll feel like it doesn't really matter. I would say that the choices themselves are nicely written, and it would be really good if they don't come in quick succession.
Hey guys, Todd Howard here. This is just an early version of my game so there will be a lot more content to come. I'd like to ask you a few questions:
1. Is the protagonist consistent/acts in line with your perception of him?
2. Are there any choices that you would've wanted to make but that were not options?
3. How is the pacing? Obviously this is but a small slice in the overall story, but how is the rate of progression?
hi todd
The protagonist acts the way I would expect Dorian Gray to act! You're doing a good job of capturing his tone in an approachable way. As for choices, I felt that I had a BUNCH of options and agency in the first conversation, but relatively fewer in the following ones — this obviously ties into pacing. I found it a bit inconsistent, and I'd like to spend either less time on the initial conversation or more time in subsequent ones.
-jess
I think the protagonist's consistency is largely up to the player's decisions, which is good if that's what you're going for. I've never read the book, but I am familiar with Oscar Wilde's writing, and I can see his voice in this game, especially with your dialogue. As far as choices go, I felt like my options were pretty good, honestly. And the pacing was just a little bit on the slow side, like I was staying on the same subject (i.e. what clothes to wear at the beginning) for longer than I'd like. Otherwise, the dialogue & narration flows nicely!